From the Book - Regular Print
A Second Note from the Doctor xiii --
Chapter 1 Why Everyone Hates Us 15 --
Chapter 2 Your Kids are Not Cute 39 --
Chapter 3 Please Drug Your Children 46 --
Chapter 4 I had Sex with Kathie Lee Gifford (and She Was Amazing) 50 --
Chapter 5 Bullies R Us 71 --
Chapter 6 Autism Shmautism 87 --
Chapter 7 Famous Dead Kids 106 --
Chapter 8 Nuns, Tits, Booze and My Mom 115 --
Chapter 9 Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Welcome-In Utero 124 --
Chapter 10 Self-Esteem This 127 --
Chapter 11 Matt Dillon is a Giant Fag 134 --
Chapter 12 Your Cat Sucks Fish Heads in Hell 142 --
Chapter 13 Grande Vente Mocha Oprah Chai 151 --
Chapter 14 Does this Bomb Make My Ass Look Fat? 167 --
Chapter 15 Testicle-Colored Towels 171 --
Chapter 16 This is Your Brain on Semen 178 --
Chapter 17 We'd Hate You Even if You Weren't Black 206 --
Chapter 18 Pope is a Pimp 218 --
Chapter 19 Asshole Olympics 224 --
Chapter 20 Someone Tell My Mom That Cell Phones Cause Cancer 233.